How to truly be authentic.

Authenticity is “in”. And that’s a good thing. Except, some people seem to think authenticity means doing whatever you want at any moment. That’s not true authenticity. Here’s why.

Doing whatever you feel like at any moment is a recipe for disaster.

Several years ago, I was listening to two of my most trusted friends and colleagues give a presentation.

Something in the presentation bothered me, and in that moment, I felt a twinge of anger. That anger built as the presentation continued and when it came time for Q & A, I lashed out. I was feeling angry, and I responded with anger. Some would argue I was being “authentic”. But by lashing out in anger, I hurt two people I cared about.

I repaired the damage, and am still lucky to have these two friends, but I also learned a valuable lesson.

Authenticity is about living intentionally in a way that expresses your core values.

I value treating people well, with respect, care, and dignity. I wasn’t “living” that at the moment, and it was a good wake up call for me. After that, I paid attention more, and while, not perfectly, redoubled my efforts to treat others with kindness.

So, how can we live authentically?

1.       Know what we value. This requires time thinking, reflecting, and getting beneath the surface to the core of who we are.

2.       Examine our behaviors. Are we acting in ways that reflect who we believe we are at the core?

3.       Work hard to live our values. One day at a time, work on living in ways that more closely reflect our core values.

When looked at this way, living authentically isn’t an expression of whatever we’re thinking or feeling in the moment. It’s a lifelong pursuit of being at our best and choosing our core values above short-term desires and emotions.